Many monsoons ago when the earth was young and the Grand Canyon was just a wrinkle in the earth, I had a weekly humor column in a college newspaper. These are my favorites — jls

• Addicted to every diet

  With only an occasional “lost weekend,” I seem to be doing quite well managing my diet addiction. It isn’t easy, however, with so many temptations looming in obvious places like supermarkets, the doctor’s office and even my own coffee table…

• Building on experience

  It’s like this – the gander that was flapping my face, back and legs while simultaneously biting blood blisters on my little three-year-old derriere didn’t know he was contributing to my future female assertiveness…

• Chicken in perspective

  Ah, chicken. Chicken is one of those words that, depending on one’s perspective, immediately conjures a mental image. Three of these images seem to stand out most…

• Cleaning out cobwebs

  Spring is about to erupt with an outbreak of green buds, insanely happy twittering birds and students with a new lift in their walk…it’s call the Spring Break Trot…

• Dreams reveal unknown

  Recently, Parade Magazine printed an article titled, “What Your Dreams Can Tell You”…

• Expectations of GQs

  The place was London—spooky, thrilling, pompous, historic, charming, expensive, wonderful London with its razzle-dazzle intertwine of ancient and pop-cultural life…

• Gadgetry on horizon

  Verella awoke to the sound of her wrist ringing. Her wrist wasn’t really ringing, but the compact instrument strapped to it was shrilly demanding attention…

• Just a phone call away

  Your home is in flames as your watch, or your child is lying injured on a highway following a serious car wreck or you are home alone and hear a prowler attempting to enter your home—what do you do…

• Just clowning around

  Rodeo clowns are real heroes. A suspendered dude with a barrel for britches who can keep a 2,000-pound bull from killing a man certainly gets my accolades…

• Media can’t be all bad

  Okay, so you (pick one) distrust, hate, blame, fear the media. (For best results, circle your choice and refer back to it as you read the following…

• Metaphors: love’ em and leave ‘em

  Emerging from a face-to-face session with an editor recently, I felt like I stepped out of the door and onto a flower-strewn parade float dressed in a pageant gown, a tiara and a ribbon sash diagonally proclaiming I was Miss Metaphor, and not in a good way…

• Momentum carries on

  The magnificent downhill voyage of the lone skier bearing the Olympic torch in Lillehammer the other evening exemplified MOMENTUM…

• Picasso had his moods, but Red had his moves

  I made an ironclad discovery recently while viewing Picasso and the Age of Iron at the Fort Worth Modern Art Museum. Walking among the wire, bronze, sheet metal and iron exhibits such as Picasso’s Head of a Man and Gonzalez’s Woman with a Mirror, a steely thought gripped me…

• Playtime turns to crash

  Whoopee! Jason 11, and Elizabeth, 5, had talked mom (that is I) into playing Lady Executive Game for Special Time before bed. Just like Vitamin C, Special Time was a daily need for our children in those days…

• Thongs not needed as Nikes hit Athens

  It was a glorious day at the Academy. Athens had few rivals for beauty and titillation of the senses in early spring when salty sea vapors courted pomegranate blossoms…