Dance MomsCan crow’s feet wrinkles kill you? Probably not, but watching Lifetime’s reality show, Dance Moms, might put you in the hospital.

That is, if you take the examples on the show and actually apply them to real life and real people.

Recently sucked in persuaded to watch an entire back season of this audacious show, I was under contract to my intellect to take something from the experience. What could I do but create a list of life lessons?

Disclaimer: My list is created exclusively from the television show, Dance Moms, and is not intended to apply to dance moms the world over. Surely *please God!* there are exceptions to the war and destruction lively antics of that show.

This is what the show “teaches” young Dancers

  • Everyone is replaceable.
  • If you freeze on stage, thaw quickly…or die.
  • Second-place winners are losers.
  • If you are injured, don’t bleed.
  • Learn dance routines until you blather like an idiot. Like your mom.
  • Dance until something in your foot breaks. Then dance some more.
  • The crash from the top of Abby’s pyramid can be heard around the world.

This is what the show “teaches” Moms

  • Gossiping is a religion and must be practiced daily.
  • Live through your children or remain an empty shell. Your choice.
  • Argue violently with the dance teacher in front of your kids. That shows them you care. Violently.
  • Tell secrets, get mad, take sides, whisper, giggle and pass notes until you turn sixty years old. Then stop.
  • Take no responsibility for your actions so you won’t be blamed for anything. Ever. Make Sense?
  • With the precision of Chef Gordon Ramsey, learn to slice, dice and sell each other on toothpicks to any passing troll.

Have you ever been forced swayed to watch Dance Moms? What did you take away from the experience? We’d love to know! In fact, we must know!

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