Tag Archives: humor

Grandma’s Christmas Cake


Old-Fashioned Version (Newer Version Below)

  • 2 cups sifted flour
  • 3 tsp. baking powder
  • ¼ tsp. salt
  • 1 cup sugar
  • ½ cup lard (shortening)
  • 3 eggs, separated. Put egg whites in the refrigerator.
  • ¾ cup milk
  • 1 tsp. vanilla

 

Sift flour, baking powder and salt three times. Work shortening with spoon until fluffy. Add sugar gradually. Continue to work with spoon until mixture is light. Beat egg yolks with a fork until thick. Add to sugar mixture. Add flour gradually, alternating with milk, beating each time until thoroughly mixed. Stir in vanilla. Bake in two greased and floured 8” round pans. Bake at 375° for 25 minutes* or until a matchstick** stuck in the middle of the cake comes out clean.

Cool. Remove from pans. Spread meringue between layers, on the sides and on top of the cake. Sprinkle crushed candy on top and sides. Put in stove and watch it. Take out when candy starts to melt. It won’t take long! Remove from stove and cool. To cut cake, put tip of knife in the center of the cake and tap hand to “break through” light crust of candy on top.

* Grandma Woods baked this cake in unreliable wood-burning cook stoves. She had to watch it closely or it would burn, sometimes on just one side.
** or you can use a toothpick or broom straw (very old-fashioned!).

Meringue (Frosting)

  • 4 egg whites (add one egg to the three whites left over from making the cake)
  • 3 Tbls. Sugar
  • 1 tsp. vanilla

Beat egg whites until frothy. Add vanilla. Add sugar a tablespoon at a time. Beat until stiff. Spread inside layers and over the sides and top of cake.

Crushed Candy Topping

Crush with a hammer inside a dishtowel:

  • 1 large peppermint stick
  • About a cup of ribbon Christmas candy (preferred) or any type of hard candy.

  New Version:

Use any from-scratch or packaged yellow, white or spice cake recipe. Spice cake is extra delicious in this recipe. Bake in two 8” round pans. Cool. Spread New Version Meringue Topping between layers and on outside of cake. Sprinkle crushed candy on top and sides.

Put under broiler and watch constantly until candy begins to melt. If you leave it too long, you could mess up the Meringue Frosting. Remove from oven and cool. To cut, put tip of knife in the center of cake and tap hand to “break through” light crust of candy on top.

 

Meringue Frosting (new version)

This meringue “frosting” is a delicious, marshmallow-type topping. You can pile it high on pies or on this Christmas Cake.  It’s hard not to sneak a few tablespoons for yourself.

  • 1-1/2 cups sugar
  • 6 egg whites
  • 1 tsp. vanilla

Put sugar, egg whites and vanilla in a double boiler. Cook over simmering water, whipping constantly for 3 or 4 minutes or until mixture reaches 140° on a candy thermometer. Remove from heat and pour into a large bowl. Beat at high speed for 10 minutes or until thick and spreadable. This meringue tastes a lot like creamy marshmallows. The thin crust of melted candy on top is an unexpected treat. Delicious!

Comment: Read how this cake put face-cracking smiles on the faces of nine children in the Christmas of 1936: Christmas in a Sock: jodileastewartblog.com
Comment: Photography by Elizabeth Cerza.

 

 

 

Arrow

Feel free to wander around my website. It's guaranteed non-toxic.

If you like Sassy, Danger and Mystery, you'll love my any-age novels. Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT and Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: CANYON OF DOOM are available at your nearest Barnes & Noble Bookseller, on this website, Amazon, B&N.com and more. For your convenience, it’s also available on Kindlethe Nook and most other eBook readers.

Book Three of the Silki trilogy, VALLEY OF SHADOWS, launches Spring 2017. Here's a quick synopsis:

Bummed that yet another summer has passed all too quickly, Silki and her best friend Birdie head out for one last hurrah at the Navajo Nation Fair. When the fun is overshadowed by the theft of a famous horse, Silki is plunged into a baffling adventure teeming with international undercurrents and intrigue. What’s more, boy-crazy Birdie is fluttering her eyelashes at Silki’s good-looking, visiting cousin at every turn, and Rez legend Old Man Concho is coughing up secrets dating back to 1942. What possible connection could he have to the Japanese tourists, and will Silki discover an ancient truth about the Valley of Shadows in time to save Lava, the leader of the Ghost Herd, as well as salvage her own broken heart?

Meet my CANYON OF DOOM AND VALLEY OF SHADOWS illustrator, the Drawing Hands.

Jodi Lea Stewart was born in Texas and grew up in Apache County on a cattle ranch near Concho, Arizona. She left the University of Arizona in Tucson to move to San Francisco, where she learned about peace, love and exactly what she didn't want to do with her life. Since then, Jodi graduated summa cum laude with a BS in Business Management, raised two children, worked as an electro-mechanical drafter, penned humor columns for a college periodical, wrote regional western articles and served as managing editor of a Fortune company newsletter. She currently resides in Texas and New Mexico with her husband, two Standard poodles, two rescue cats and numerous gigantic, bossy houseplants. SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT is Jodi's debut novel and Book One of the Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves trilogy. CANYON OF DOOM came next, and VALLEY OF SHADOWS hits the shelves summer of 2016, completing this exciting and fun adventure-mystery set in the Navajo Nation. Next on the horizon? A historical mystery novel set in the 1930s told through the eyes of a sharecropper's daughter.

(Un) Focus, won’t you?


Sometimes you need to  un-focus in order to focus.

Sometimes you need to un-focus in order to focus.

At times, my writing focus is about as clear as swamp water.

Sometimes I inadvertently go on a writing sabbatical. Things get in the way. When the “match” goes out, it’s like getting a D.C. politician to tell the truth challenging to restart the flame. For example, recently:

There I sat.

Alone in my office.

Staring.

Staring some more.

Searching for ideas.

Here’s what I came up with the first few hours

  • My computer screen is dirty.
  • Gravity is, at this very moment, tugging my face toward my knees.
  • Jazz, one of my two Standard poodles, will someday have lockjaw.
  • My jaw is killing me

    Why wasn’t I a twin?

  • What is the life cycle of a corn cob?

To put it mildly, a snaggley wad of barbed wire was more inspirational than anything I could conjure.

FOCUS! I commanded myself. But I couldn’t. So I rose from my desk and walked outside. I stared into tree branches, watched two screaming young children throw a temper tantrum, listened to cars on a busy road, and looked into the faces of everyone I passed.

I lounged in front of the TV like a lazy Queen of Slob. I went to the movies. I sighed. I made nachos. I cried. I laughed. This went on for about a week.

eyeglasses in the hand over blurred tree backgroundWhat happened after that?

Blogs happened. Multiple chapters in my current Work in Progress (novel) happened.

It proved what I already knew: sometimes we must “un-focus” in order to focus.

When water doesn’t flow, maybe the creek is dry. Go fill it up.

Know what I mean?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Just for fun . . .

 

This Big Country isn't big enough for unauthorized media borrowers.

This Big Country isn’t big enough for unauthorized media borrowers.

 

 

 

 

 

Arrow

Feel free to wander around my website. It's guaranteed non-toxic.

If you like Sassy, Danger and Mystery, you'll love my any-age novels. Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT and Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: CANYON OF DOOM are available at your nearest Barnes & Noble Bookseller, on this website, Amazon, B&N.com and more. For your convenience, it’s also available on Kindlethe Nook and most other eBook readers.

Book Three of the Silki trilogy, VALLEY OF SHADOWS, launches fall 2016. Here's a quick synopsis:

Bummed that yet another summer has passed all too quickly, Silki and her best friend Birdie head out for one last hurrah at the Navajo Nation Fair. When the fun is overshadowed by the theft of a famous horse, Silki is plunged into a baffling adventure teeming with international undercurrents and intrigue. What’s more, boy-crazy Birdie is fluttering her eyelashes at Silki’s good-looking, visiting cousin at every turn, and Rez legend Old Man Concho is coughing up secrets dating back to 1942. What possible connection could he have to the Japanese tourists, and will Silki discover an ancient truth about the Valley of Shadows in time to save Lava, the leader of the Ghost Herd, as well as salvage her own broken heart?

Meet my CANYON OF DOOM AND VALLEY OF SHADOWS illustrator, the Drawing Hands.

Jodi Lea Stewart was born in Texas and grew up in Apache County on a cattle ranch near Concho, Arizona. She left the University of Arizona in Tucson to move to San Francisco, where she learned about peace, love and exactly what she didn't want to do with her life. Since then, Jodi graduated summa cum laude with a BS in Business Management, raised two children, worked as an electro-mechanical drafter, penned humor columns for a college periodical, wrote regional western articles and served as managing editor of a Fortune company newsletter. She currently resides in Texas and New Mexico with her husband, two Standard poodles, two rescue cats and numerous gigantic, bossy houseplants. SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT is Jodi's debut novel and Book One of the Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves trilogy. CANYON OF DOOM came next, and VALLEY OF SHADOWS hits the shelves summer of 2016, completing this exciting and fun adventure-mystery set in the Navajo Nation. Next on the horizon? A historical mystery novel set in the 1930s told through the eyes of a sharecropper's daughter.

Three Easy Rules That Will Change your “Comma Life” Forever


Diamond 1, 2, 3

Commas have never intentionally hurt you, have they?

Okay, maybe you made a bad grade or two on a school paper because you used the two-inch rule; that is, you placed a comma every two inches on your term paper just to show your instructor you were seriously trying.

When your paper came back with severe grammar-scoldings written in the margins and a link for you to immediately hook up with Grammarly or fail the course, you may have sworn off comma-love forevermore.

Of course, if someone tried to eat your relative when you penned, Let’s eat Grandma instead of Let’s eat, Grandma . . . that surely could have caused a ruckus.

When you think about it, was it really the fault of the commas?

I believe if the commas you have used incorrectly over the years could talk, they’d probably thank you for all the interesting misadventures. Just a thought.

Falling stars on the red carpet with flash lights from camerasDon’t hold a grudge. Those little guys are waiting to make you look like a professional punctuator if you will but open the door to them. What do you say? Ready to be a Comma Star?

Exhale. Blow out the tension. Wiggle your fingers. Slap your cheeks, and let’s begin.

1. Introductory phrases/clauses

When you introduce your sentence with something that isn’t a stand-alone sentence, it needs a comma after it. It could be a phrase or a dependent clause, but who cares? It doesn’t stand alone, and that means it needs a comma for support. Don’t get nervous. It’s easy.

For example: When I go to sleep at night isn’t a sentence, is it?

Those are words used to set up (introduce) the reader to what you are going to tell them happens when you go to sleep at night.

When I go to sleep at night, I dream of galloping through the galaxies.

See that?

The introductory phrase (When I go to sleep at night) introduced the rest of the sentence (I dream of galloping through the galaxies).

To separate the two parts, you merely add a comma.

Here’s another example: Since I am king of the world, I can skateboard with a monkey on my shoulder.

Separate the introductory clause (Since I am king of the world) from the explanation (I can skateboard with a monkey on my shoulder) with a comma.

That’s it. Don’t get mired down with subordinate conjunctions, predicate verbs, and all that crap proper grammar terminology. It’s important, but not necessary to remembering where to place your commas. *And please don’t, in a fit of frustration, tell someone where they can place their commas if you know what I mean*

2. Commas between two independent sentences separated by a conjunction

This rule is as simple as stirring sugar in your coffee. In your writing, you don’t want all your sentences so short they sound like a robot learning to speak, do you?

I am Robot Maid. I can clean your house.  I can clean for you. I am Robot Maid. I do not clean windows. I do not clean refrigerators. I am Robot Maid.

When we combine a couple of the sentences and separate them with a comma and a conjunction (and, but, so, for, nor, and so on), our writing sounds more sophisticated.

I am Robot Maid, and I can clean your house. I am Robot Maid, but I do not clean windows or refrigerators.

How about this: I won a golden goose yesterday, and now I need to hire a trustworthy money adviser.

Two complete sentences separated by a conjunction need a comma. Easy-peasy.

3. Commas in a series

A series is a comma’s best friend. Or is the comma a series’ best friend? Anyway, in this instance, the commas act as little separators in a series, or a list, of items.

No commas:

We took salad chips cookies sliced tomato sandwiches and soda pop to the lake. I have to ask, are they taking salad chips to the lake or salad and chips to the lake? Are the cookies sliced? Why are they eating sliced tomato sandwiches?

Now use crafty commas to clarify what the sentence really says:

We took salad, chips, cookies, sliced tomato sandwiches, and soda pop to the park. (Yes, the sandwiches are sliced tomato sandwiches).

The last comma in a series is up to you, or your teacher, or your boss. It’s called the Oxford comma. In Associated Press (AP) style, the last comma before the conjunction is omitted. In many other venues, including the novel publishing world, the comma before the conjunction in a series is left in.

Example:

Gerard Butler is tall, handsome, articulate and talented. (AP style)

Gerard Butler is tall, handsome, articulate, and talented. (Oxford comma used)

Question: How are commas used in the next sentence?

To tell you the truth, commas won’t give you rippling muscles, money, or a live-in maid, but they will clarify your writing and earn you praise.

Answer:

1) This sentence has an introductory phrase (To tell you the truth) followed by a comma.

2) It has a series with each object separated by a comma, including an Oxford comma (commas won’t give you rippling muscles, money, or a live-in maid).

3) It also has two complete sentences separated by a comma and the conjunction but.

One last thing . . . which singing icon of the sixties made commas famous?

Neil Sedaka!

How?

Sedaka’s blockbuster song, “Breaking up is Hard to Do” (click the link to hear it), begins and ends with:

Down dooby doo down down,

Comma, comma, down dooby doo down down,

Comma, comma down dooby doo down down.

Strange as these lyrics are, they elevate the lowly comma to heights of greatness!

You now know three basic comma rules. I learned them in high school, and they have served me well. They’ll do the same for you.

Red umbrella in Storm.Are there other comma rules? Gosh yes. However, when you learn these three rules, you’ll be heads above the crowd.

 

Arrow

Feel free to wander around my website. It's guaranteed non-toxic.

If you like Sassy, Danger and Mystery, you'll love my any-age novels. Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT and Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: CANYON OF DOOM are available at your nearest Barnes & Noble Bookseller, on this website, Amazon, B&N.com and more. For your convenience, it’s also available on Kindlethe Nook and most other eBook readers.

Book Three of the Silki trilogy, VALLEY OF SHADOWS, launches fall 2016. Here's a quick synopsis:

Bummed that yet another summer has passed all too quickly, Silki and her best friend Birdie head out for one last hurrah at the Navajo Nation Fair. When the fun is overshadowed by the theft of a famous horse, Silki is plunged into a baffling adventure teeming with international undercurrents and intrigue. What’s more, boy-crazy Birdie is fluttering her eyelashes at Silki’s good-looking, visiting cousin at every turn, and Rez legend Old Man Concho is coughing up secrets dating back to 1942. What possible connection could he have to the Japanese tourists, and will Silki discover an ancient truth about the Valley of Shadows in time to save Lava, the leader of the Ghost Herd, as well as salvage her own broken heart?

Meet my CANYON OF DOOM AND VALLEY OF SHADOWS illustrator, the Drawing Hands.

Jodi Lea Stewart was born in Texas and grew up in Apache County on a cattle ranch near Concho, Arizona. She left the University of Arizona in Tucson to move to San Francisco, where she learned about peace, love and exactly what she didn't want to do with her life. Since then, Jodi graduated summa cum laude with a BS in Business Management, raised two children, worked as an electro-mechanical drafter, penned humor columns for a college periodical, wrote regional western articles and served as managing editor of a Fortune company newsletter. She currently resides in Texas and New Mexico with her husband, two Standard poodles, two rescue cats and numerous gigantic, bossy houseplants. SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT is Jodi's debut novel and Book One of the Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves trilogy. CANYON OF DOOM came next, and VALLEY OF SHADOWS hits the shelves summer of 2016, completing this exciting and fun adventure-mystery set in the Navajo Nation. Next on the horizon? A historical mystery novel set in the 1930s told through the eyes of a sharecropper's daughter.

Just Connect Me, Dahling!


Robot waiter, butler background vector

Verella awoke to the sound of her wrist ringing.

Her wrist wasn’t really ringing, but the compact instrument strapped to it demanded her attention in a screechy, nagging tenor.

“Yes?” she whispered groggily, pushing her RESpond button. Her other hand rubbed her temple to quell the throbbing inside her head.

“Verella? Great! I caught you before you left the hotel. Send me another set of those charts we discussed this morning before you fly off to Beijing. What time is your flight anyway?”

While Mr. Hummph, Verella’s boss, blathered from the top side of her wrist bone, Verella struggled to control her rising ire. She tuned him out for a  femtosecond to gather her wits.

What the . . .? My plane leaves in four hours. Thanks to that global conference Mr. Hummph blared at 1 a.m. by setting off those gawdawful emergency X-Bells in our  laptops, I’ve had two hours sleep. I’ve got so much jet lag, I’ll probably run into myself sometime around noon. 

“Verella! Did you fall back to sleep?”

“No sir, I’m here. My flight leaves at 8. I’ll get those graphs to you in a few minutes, Mr. Hummph.”

“Minutes? Better make that seconds. Time is money, Verella, money. But you know that, you little globe-trekker you.”

Oh brother.

This week, Mr. Hummph’s globe-brokers, of which she was a part, but simply tagged as X705 to everyone but Mr. Hummph, were working in Beijing, Brussels, Moscow, Paris, Dubai, Tokyo and Never-Heard-of-It Nevada. Did that annoying man ever get any sleep? Lord knows she never did.

Verella dug her GPFX *GlobalPORTOTrans* from her purse, connected it to the laptop and issued a verbal code-connect-go. She stared at the purple pulses and wondered if Mr. Hummph could possibly be one of the new HU-ROBS already speculated to be infiltrating earth’s population. Of course, HU-ROBs were vehemently denied as myth, but exponential rumors about anything always adds up to something, Verella believed wholeheartedly.

Promising she would check out her suspicions when she returned stateside, Verella clapped her hands. Travel Tesauro, her constant travel assistant, whirred to life—his crimson, green and amber lights twinkling.

After a Command-String, TT – as she affectionately called him – instantly packed Verella’s suitcase, leaving the lid open for her pajamas after her morning toilette. He magnetically started the bathroom shower and waited for her with a warmed towel as she stepped out three minutes later.

While she sat in the hotel chair, TT presented Verella with a frothy latte and a power beet bar. TT’s front quadrant morphed into a giant clock with a second hand ticking away in Verella’s face. She allowed herself a long four minutes to relish her breakfast, thankful her assistant had made the latte lukewarm for fast downing.

A tray loaded with Verella’s makeup flipped out from TT’s left side. The tray exuded soft musicRobot 1 with a rousing under beat – one of the new music strips that soothed and hurried a person at the same time.

A peacock blue *Verella’s favorite color* panel glowed from TT’s other side as he awaited her makeup instructions for the day. “Moisturizer. Foundation. Enough rouge to cover my ghastly pallor. Comb out my eyelash extensions with the burr brush. Teal eyeliner. Relaxed eyebrows. Ratta-2-ee coral lipstick,” Verella commanded in soft tones.

After the last dab of robotically applied lipstick, TT zipped the suitcase closed and waited while Verella wiggled into her travel clothes.

Less than 30 minutes after arising, she emerged breathlessly from the Marriott Village d’Ile-de-France into a waiting cab, her freshly pressed suit crisscrossed with straps holding her TransGlobal-Connecting devices. TT carried her luggage and a medium-hot paper-cup latte for the ride to the airport.

While Verella settled into her plane seat for the flight to Beijing, TT worked at blinding speed to set up her in-flight office so she could begin working before takeoff.

She put her head back and sighed.Watching TT, she calculated she had at least sixty seconds before he completed his tasks – enough time for a few random reflections.

Thank the galaxies I became a biz-globe-broker and not one of those poor, weird women who manage households, she thought with a little shiver of disgust.

Their lives are so demanding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of course, this is satire, but do you think our connectivity might reach a point in which we scream, Enough! ?

Do you sometimes feel you are part of a surveillance society? As Orwellian as it sounds, we can now be contacted and/or observed anywhere in the world 24/7. Does that bother you? Personally, it doesn’t worry me that much. At least I can still choose WHEN and WHERE and HOW I want to be connected via computer, smartphone, etc. That gives me a bit of an illusion of retaining control.

Even if genuine seclusion is becoming a thing of the past, I can live happily in a 24/7 Connectivity World as long as I still control the finger that turns on *or off* all those connectivity devices! Make sense?

Make sense?

P.S. I recycled this post from a published article I wrote long ago. Understandably, I’ve had to seriously update the technological elements in the rewrite.

 

Arrow

Feel free to wander around my website. It's guaranteed non-toxic.

If you like Sassy, Danger and Mystery, you'll love my any-age novels. Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT and Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: CANYON OF DOOM are available at your nearest Barnes & Noble Bookseller, on this website, Amazon, B&N.com and more. For your convenience, it’s also available on Kindlethe Nook and most other eBook readers.

Book Three of the Silki trilogy, VALLEY OF SHADOWS, launches fall 2016. Here's a quick synopsis:

Bummed that yet another summer has passed all too quickly, Silki and her best friend Birdie head out for one last hurrah at the Navajo Nation Fair. When the fun is overshadowed by the theft of a famous horse, Silki is plunged into a baffling adventure teeming with international undercurrents and intrigue. What’s more, boy-crazy Birdie is fluttering her eyelashes at Silki’s good-looking, visiting cousin at every turn, and Rez legend Old Man Concho is coughing up secrets dating back to 1942. What possible connection could he have to the Japanese tourists, and will Silki discover an ancient truth about the Valley of Shadows in time to save Lava, the leader of the Ghost Herd, as well as salvage her own broken heart?

Meet my CANYON OF DOOM AND VALLEY OF SHADOWS illustrator, the Drawing Hands.

Jodi Lea Stewart was born in Texas and grew up in Apache County on a cattle ranch near Concho, Arizona. She left the University of Arizona in Tucson to move to San Francisco, where she learned about peace, love and exactly what she didn't want to do with her life. Since then, Jodi graduated summa cum laude with a BS in Business Management, raised two children, worked as an electro-mechanical drafter, penned humor columns for a college periodical, wrote regional western articles and served as managing editor of a Fortune company newsletter. She currently resides in Texas and New Mexico with her husband, two Standard poodles, two rescue cats and numerous gigantic, bossy houseplants. SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT is Jodi's debut novel and Book One of the Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves trilogy. CANYON OF DOOM came next, and VALLEY OF SHADOWS hits the shelves summer of 2016, completing this exciting and fun adventure-mystery set in the Navajo Nation. Next on the horizon? A historical mystery novel set in the 1930s told through the eyes of a sharecropper's daughter.

Homemade Chicken & Biscuits


 

Homemade Chicken & Biscuits

Homemade Chicken & Biscuits

I found this recipe online, Jodi-ized it, and now I want to share it.

Once you make it, you’ll probably add it to your family favorites. It’s fast, easy, and my family loves it.

I don’t make homemade biscuits anymore because the flour seems to be different, and they don’t taste as great as they once did. A great replacement for homemade is Pillsbury FROZEN biscuits. My favorite is the buttermilk. They’re so good, everyone wants the recipe. Sometimes I tell them, and sometimes I don’t!

If you were to make a yeast biscuit (like Denver Biscuits) for the topping, they would be flatter and perhaps preferable for some. Personally, we didn’t mind the big fat biscuits on top.

  • 2 large chicken breasts with skin and bone (to make 3 cups chopped)
  • 1 large or 2 small bay leaves
  • Coarse-ground pepper
  • Sea salt
  • 12 frozen Pillsbury country or buttermilk biscuits *or make your own*
  • 3-4 Tbls. butter
  • 1 med. onion, chopped
  • 1 large rib celery with a few leaves, finely chopped
  • 4 Tbls. all-purpose flour
  • 3 to 4 cups chicken broth
  • ½ tsp. ground thyme
  • 1 tsp. onion powder
  • 1 tsp. garlic powder
  • ½ cup milk
  • 1- ½ cups frozen peas
  • 1 egg + 1 tsp. water

Boil two large chicken breasts in water in a heavy pot with a large bay leaf, coarse-ground pepper, and 1 tsp salt. When chicken is nearly done, take frozen biscuits from the sack and place on waxed paper or a plate to partially thaw. When chicken is thoroughly cooked, pull it off the bone and cut into ½-inch pieces. Save broth in a bowl and set aside.

Heat oven to 375-degrees. Butter or grease a 9×13 casserole dish or glass pan. The higher the sides, the better.

Add chopped onion and celery, including leaves, to 3-4 Tbls. butter in the heavy pot or a deep skillet. Cook a few minutes. Sprinkle flour over the mixture and stir, cooking about one minute or until thickened. Add chicken broth if needed to keep it bubbling for about a minute.

Stir in the broth, thyme, onion powder, garlic powder, and coarse-ground pepper to taste. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring constantly. Stir in milk and frozen peas. Taste to see if it needs more salt.

Pour into the casserole dish and bake uncovered for about 20 minutes.

Homemade Chicken & Biscuits servedRemove the dish from the oven and increase the oven temperature to 425-degrees. Add biscuits to the top of the chicken mixture. Use a fork to whip the egg and water. Brush on top of biscuits. Add foil under casserole dish if desired. The weight of the biscuits can make the mixture overflow if the dish or pan is too shallow.

Bake 20 minutes or until biscuits are golden brown. Adjust time and temperature accordingly.

*I made this dish in high altitude.

 

Arrow

Feel free to wander around my website. It's guaranteed non-toxic.

If you like Sassy, Danger and Mystery, you'll love my any-age novels. Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT and Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: CANYON OF DOOM are available at your nearest Barnes & Noble Bookseller, on this website, Amazon, B&N.com, and more. For your convenience, they're also available on Kindlethe Nook and most other eBook readers.

Book Three of the Silki trilogy, VALLEY OF SHADOWS, launches summer/fall 2016. Here's a quick synopsis:

Bummed that yet another summer has passed all too quickly, Silki and her best friend Birdie head out for one last hurrah at the Navajo Nation Fair. When the fun is overshadowed by the theft of a famous horse, Silki is plunged into a baffling adventure teeming with international undercurrents and intrigue. What’s more, boy-crazy Birdie is fluttering her eyelashes at Silki’s good-looking, visiting cousin at every turn, and Rez legend Old Man Concho is coughing up secrets dating back to 1942. What possible connection could he have to the Japanese tourists, and will Silki discover an ancient truth about the Valley of Shadows in time to save Lava, the leader of the Ghost Herd, as well as salvage her own broken heart?

Meet my CANYON OF DOOM AND VALLEY OF SHADOWS illustrator, the Drawing Hands.

Jodi Lea Stewart was born in Texas and grew up in Apache County on a cattle ranch near Concho, Arizona. She left the University of Arizona in Tucson to move to San Francisco, where she learned about peace, love and exactly what she didn't want to do with her life. Since then, Jodi graduated summa cum laude with a BS in Business Management, raised two children, worked as an electro-mechanical drafter, penned humor columns for a college periodical, wrote regional western articles and served as managing editor of a Fortune company newsletter. She currently resides in Texas and New Mexico with her husband, two Standard poodles, two rescue cats and numerous gigantic, bossy houseplants. SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT is Jodi's debut novel and Book One of the Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves trilogy. CANYON OF DOOM came next, and VALLEY OF SHADOWS hits the shelves summer of 2016, completing this exciting and fun adventure-mystery set in the Navajo Nation. Next on the horizon? A historical mystery novel set in the 1930s told through the eyes of a sharecropper's daughter.

Train Ride of Shame


The place was London – spooky, thrilling, pompous, historic, charming, expensive, wonderful London with its razzle-dazzle intertwine of ancient and pop-cultural life.

Hubby and I walked trillions of miles through downpours, sprinkles and blazing sun to see the Royal Palace, Westminster Abbey, Piccadilly Square, remains of the infamous 19th-century prison Charles Dickens described in Great Expectations and, naturally, the original Hard Rock Café.

We were sooty, damp and delirious with wanderlust when we arrived back at the London train station to return to Rochester, our nesting place for the two weeks Mark was on a business assignment.

Wrestling through thick crowds inside the train, we couldn’t believe our luck when we spotted two empty seats facing one another inside a nice enclosure. We went inside, chatting happily as we nestled noisily among the seated passengers and arranged our numerous shopping bags.

A tomb-like silence soon settled inside our senses.

Taking a better look at our seatmates, we realized that all four men were wearing expensive three-piece suits, perfectly unscuffed shoes, buffed nails, and meticulously groomed hair. They were the English versions of the perfectly turned out GQ gentlemen.

Each man had an open newspaper in front of his face and appeared deeply engrossed in it.

No other signs of life were manifest in the “GQ gentlemen.”

Good grief! Mark and I conveyed to one another with saucer eyes, we’re in a PRIVATE gentleman’s car, and the men were too polite to tell us!

Our jeans and street-trollop appearance suddenly became unbearable. We’d been in rain and dirty city streets all day. Might we even be smelly?

I couldn’t bear it! I squirmed. With a man on each side of me, I was a giant toad trapped inside a tiny teacup. Everything I did seemed animated. Loud. Preposterous.

Mark and I were now agonizing and insufferably common;

wretched street characters from a Dickens novel;

a couple of low-lifes.

In desperation, I glanced at Mark sitting between the two men opposite me. Did he comfort me, quell my fears with a simple shoulder shrug or a nod of the head?

No.

Not at all.

My dear husband committed THE UNPARDONABLE SIN.

He rolled his eyes in an animated arc and puffed out his cheeks. His expression screamed at me, Sheesh! What a bunch of stuffed shirts!

He knew better than to commit this act of treason.

All my life, which he is fully aware of, I have battled a private affliction of the most humiliating kind; that is, in terribly absurd situations, I am struck with fits of uncontrollable hilarity that cannot be checked.

My PROBLEM took over.

An outrageous guffaw escaped my mouth. Vulgar snorts  emitted from my nose and throat. Soon, heaven forbid, the unthinkable happened. I started to wheeze at the end of my laughs. For me, that’s a common side effect of a fierce laugh attack. I continued to stifle loud shrieks, followed by those exasperating wheezes. Meanwhile, all around us . . .

no eyes moved from the newspapers—no faces reflected any emotion.

I couldn’t look at Mark. If I did, he made another face. I threw on my sunglasses. They immediately steamed up from the combination of damp air and my elevated body temperature. I grabbed my newly purchased Dickens paperback from my shopping bag and pretended to read, silently begging God to knock me out.

I’d like to say that I gained control on that train ride, but that wouldn’t be true. I calmed down to just the occasional giggle, though, which I managed to turn into a little dignified cough. It was comforting to know that I at least looked less stupid with my nose buried in a Charles Dickens novel.

Mark and I tumbled from the private booth and off the train as soon as rails and wheels allowed. Taking in gulps of air, I was relieved, and mad.

“Why Mark? Why did you do that to me?”

His eyes danced with orneriness. He shrugged. “Well, you know, next time, turn your book right side up. It’s a lot more effective.”

I died of mortification standing right there at the train station.

Indeed, looking back, I pray that anonymous group of Englishmen will think of me sometimes with benign humor as they puff their Cohiba Behike cigars or patiently turn at the tailor’s shop while being measured for their Gucci suits.

Perhaps one of the four gentlemen is a Shakespeare devotee who will charitably attach these words to his sanguinary memory of me:

I had rather a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad.

 

Do I dare show my face in London again? I still feel embarrassed about it, but I cherish this experience as one of the funniest of my life. It was so completely ridiculous!

Have you ever been hit with a very inappropriate laugh attack? What did you do to come out of it or to save face? Or did you?

I value your thoughts.

 

 

 

 

Arrow

Feel free to wander around my website. It's guaranteed non-toxic.

If you like Sassy, Danger and Mystery, you'll love my any-age novels. Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT and Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: CANYON OF DOOM are available at your nearest Barnes & Noble Bookseller, on this website, Amazon, B&N.com and more. For your convenience, it’s also available on Kindlethe Nook and most other eBook readers.

Book Three of the Silki trilogy, VALLEY OF SHADOWS, launches fall 2016. Here's a quick synopsis:

Bummed that yet another summer has passed all too quickly, Silki and her best friend Birdie head out for one last hurrah at the Navajo Nation Fair. When the fun is overshadowed by the theft of a famous horse, Silki is plunged into a baffling adventure teeming with international undercurrents and intrigue. What’s more, boy-crazy Birdie is fluttering her eyelashes at Silki’s good-looking, visiting cousin at every turn, and Rez legend Old Man Concho is coughing up secrets dating back to 1942. What possible connection could he have to the Japanese tourists, and will Silki discover an ancient truth about the Valley of Shadows in time to save Lava, the leader of the Ghost Herd, as well as salvage her own broken heart?

Meet my CANYON OF DOOM AND VALLEY OF SHADOWS illustrator, the Drawing Hand

Jodi Lea Stewart was born in Texas and grew up in Apache County on a cattle ranch near Concho, Arizona. She left the University of Arizona in Tucson to move to San Francisco, where she learned about peace, love and exactly what she didn't want to do with her life. Since then, Jodi graduated summa cum laude with a BS in Business Management, raised two children, worked as an electro-mechanical drafter, penned humor columns for a college periodical, wrote regional western articles and served as managing editor of a Fortune company newsletter. She currently resides in Texas and New Mexico with her husband, two Standard poodles, two rescue cats and numerous gigantic, bossy houseplants. SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT is Jodi's debut novel and Book One of the Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves trilogy. CANYON OF DOOM came next, and VALLEY OF SHADOWS hits the shelves summer of 2016, completing this exciting and fun adventure-mystery set in the Navajo Nation. Next on the horizon? A historical mystery novel set in the 1930s told through the eyes of a sharecropper's daughter.

The Albuquerque Turkey


A Turkey's Life is Full of Peril

A Turkey’s Life is Full of Peril

As you probably already know, it doesn’t matter if you’re the most beautiful, or the smartest, or the most gifted of turkeys . . . you’ll most likely be eaten.

My fellow turkeys don’t seem to mind; after all, they say—we all wind up in Turkey Heaven and that’s not so bad.

Lots of the old-timers who darned near died from that ornery new cow dog chewing on them  or from a certain brat, I won’t mention any names, who lives here on Hollyberry Farm and loves to throw rocks and rusty cans at us. . . anyway, those old timers come back from their near-passed-away experiences just gobbling with lively stories.

They say up there has majestic blue mountains with crystal waterfalls and silver feeders bulging with corn, oats, wheat, spelt, barley, and golden glow worms sitting there on the sides of the water troughs, smiling as they bend their little heads to wait for you to slurp them up.

Shoot, some of those old coots said they saw angels passing out emmer up there in that pearlized turkey paradise. If you don’t know what emmer is, you’re probably not a turkey. It’s Eurasian wheat first cultivated by the Babylonians, and it’s the tastiest thing this side of the cracked corn from Old Man Burnie’s Feed Store up there in Dango. Dango’s about 20 miles from the farm, but I guess that’s not important to my story.

My turkey lurkey friends in the barnyard wouldn’t know about emmer or anything else if I wasn’t so nice hearted and prone to share what I read in the morning newspapers I scrounge from the farm dump.

Fact is, I’m just not like the other turkeys. Not one bit. Smarter, I am, and lots more handsome.

So when I noticed the leaves turning that orangey brown yellow like they do when people get to eyeing us with that strange glint in their eyes, I decided right then I had to take action.
Mean Gene the RoosterHere’s what I did first. I started hanging out with Mean Gene, the head rooster here at Hollyberry. I was dogging him one morning and trying to turn my melodious gobble into a scratchy crow sound when my dang ol snood wrapped around my beak and guess what? I almost suffocated!

You know what a snood is, don’t you? It’s that beautiful skin that grows out of our heads and drapes over our beaks. Pure art, it is.Turkey Snood

Back to what happened. Well, right there in the barnyard. I fell over gasping. Fred the duck waddled up quacking, “Your wattle is blue! Your wattle is blue!”

Can you imagine my mortification?

Everyone gathered around and made more fuss than a space ship landing in a haystack. Old Hurricane, the speckled guinea fowl and my best friend, is the one who saved me. She streaked right over and grabbed my snood with her beak. She ran underneath my head and flew over my neck, then back under my beak two or three more times. Finally, it came unwound, and I could go about my business, which is what I did with no wasted time.

I sat in the shade of the tractor a long time until my wattle cooled down and I didn’t feel so ruffled. The whole rafter of barnyard turkeys was discussing me that day, and my beautiful face burned with shame.

Me as a Chicken. Pretty wonderful, isn't it?

Me as a Chicken. Pretty wonderful, isn’t it?

Next thing I did was drastic, I admit it. Hold on to your hats because I had Hurricane bite off the end of my snood. That hurt my feelings more than anything, but I was desperate. I even asked the lady turks to help me dye all my feathers a lovely russet brown. Now if that didn’t look like a chicken, what would?

I hung out with those cackling biddies for oh, probably a week. My plan seemed to be working fine until I overheard the farm missus telling the hired man, “That turkey over there has gone plumb crazy. I gotta believe he fell on his head, the silly thing. Give him some extra feed, George. He’ll do fine this Thanksgiving.”

That did it. I had to get away.

Next bus came down the road, I was on it, brother, and I never even looked back once. That bus didn’t stop until it hit Florida. I watched out the window and couldn’t get over those crazy trees sticking out of the ground with their green roots sticking in the air. Some lady with a yellow moo-moo covered in purple flowers told me they were palm trees.

A slick looking guy wearing a pinstriped suit and a straw hat was hanging around the bus station when I came off the bus. He stared me down right away, and I have to say it made me nervous. Next thing I knew, he sidles up and asks if I was one of the Underground Turkeys that flock to Florida to escape the knife. I almost went into shock! What could I do but shake my blue and grey head yes. He looked all around and handed me, secret like, a brown bag.

“Wear this and hang out on the beach for awhile and don’t make any waves,” he said. Told me he was a fowl rescue ranger and he understood my pain.

My Florida Costume.

My Florida Costume.

Now who ever heard of wearing a suit that looks like a headless turkey? But I did it. Had to look through some little pin holes to see anything. Oh, the humiliation I’ve known, but that doesn’t get us to the end of the story, so here I go. I learned something real quick—I’m just no good in tropical weather. It wasn’t long before I started suffering with mildewed feet.

That rescue guy, he suggested I move to Albuquerque. It’s high and dry, and he had a friend there who might get me a job as an assistant tour guide.

Well, son, I knew that was right up my alley. I agreed to ride out there with a car full of turkey-loving people—and I have to say they were awful nice except for that little toddler who tried to suck on my head when they weren’t looking. I perched right up there in the back seat on a stack of boxes and watched the scenery pass by all the way to New Mexico.

I have to tell you, it was love at first sight! I was a New Mexican Turkey as soon as I crossed the line!

Now I can’t tell you where I live or work these days because I’m incognito and part of the Underground Turkey Railroad Group. We have to lay low, and keep our beaks clean and not gab about our work.

RistraDo I miss Hollyberry Farm? Just a speck. Sometimes at night when I’m just about asleep under that nearly mile-high sky and the stars are twinkling just so and pine and sage smells are tickling my craw, I think about my friends from my other life. I admit I sometimes get a little lump in my throat. That’s when I snuggle up to my red chile ristra and go sound asleep, snug as a mouse in sawdust.

Deep in my turkey heart, I know I made the right decision coming to New Mexico. Let me tell you this . . . next time you’re in Albuquerque, squint your eyes toward those Sandia Mountains.

Who knows? You might get lucky and see a gorgeous Albuquerque Turkey darting across the ridges.

 

 

 

Feel free to wander around my website. It's guaranteed non-toxic.

If you like Sassy, Danger and Mystery, you'll love my any-age novels. Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT and Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: CANYON OF DOOM are available at your nearest Barnes & Noble Bookseller, on this website, Amazon, B&N.com and more. For your convenience, it’s also available on Kindlethe Nook and most other eBook readers.

Book Three of the Silki trilogy, VALLEY OF SHADOWS, launches fall 2016. Here's a quick synopsis:

Bummed that yet another summer has passed all too quickly, Silki and her best friend Birdie head out for one last hurrah at the Navajo Nation Fair. When the fun is overshadowed by the theft of a famous horse, Silki is plunged into a baffling adventure teeming with international undercurrents and intrigue. What’s more, boy-crazy Birdie is fluttering her eyelashes at Silki’s good-looking, visiting cousin at every turn, and Rez legend Old Man Concho is coughing up secrets dating back to 1942. What possible connection could he have to the Japanese tourists, and will Silki discover an ancient truth about the Valley of Shadows in time to save Lava, the leader of the Ghost Herd, as well as salvage her own broken heart?

Meet my CANYON OF DOOM AND VALLEY OF SHADOWS illustrator, the Drawing Hands.

Jodi Lea Stewart was born in Texas and grew up in Apache County on a cattle ranch near Concho, Arizona. She left the University of Arizona in Tucson to move to San Francisco, where she learned about peace, love and exactly what she didn't want to do with her life. Since then, Jodi graduated summa cum laude with a BS in Business Management, raised two children, worked as an electro-mechanical drafter, penned humor columns for a college periodical, wrote regional western articles and served as managing editor of a Fortune company newsletter. She currently resides in Texas and New Mexico with her husband, two Standard poodles, two rescue cats and numerous gigantic, bossy houseplants. SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT is Jodi's debut novel and Book One of the Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves trilogy. CANYON OF DOOM came next, and VALLEY OF SHADOWS hits the shelves summer of 2016, completing this exciting and fun adventure-mystery set in the Navajo Nation. Next on the horizon? A historical mystery novel set in the 1930s told through the eyes of a sharecropper's daughter.

Fractured Life Lessons I’ve Learned from Watching the TV show Dance Moms


Dance MomsCan crow’s feet wrinkles kill you? Probably not, but watching Lifetime’s reality show, Dance Moms, might put you in the hospital.

That is, if you take the examples on the show and actually apply them to real life and real people.

Recently sucked in persuaded to watch an entire back season of this audacious show, I was under contract to my intellect to take something from the experience. What could I do but create a list of life lessons?

Disclaimer: My list is created exclusively from the television show, Dance Moms, and is not intended to apply to dance moms the world over. Surely *please God!* there are exceptions to the war and destruction lively antics of that show.

This is what the show “teaches” young Dancers

  • Everyone is replaceable.
  • If you freeze on stage, thaw quickly…or die.
  • Second-place winners are losers.
  • If you are injured, don’t bleed.
  • Learn dance routines until you blather like an idiot. Like your mom.
  • Dance until something in your foot breaks. Then dance some more.
  • The crash from the top of Abby’s pyramid can be heard around the world.

This is what the show “teaches” Moms

  • Gossiping is a religion and must be practiced daily.
  • Live through your children or remain an empty shell. Your choice.
  • Argue violently with the dance teacher in front of your kids. That shows them you care. Violently.
  • Tell secrets, get mad, take sides, whisper, giggle and pass notes until you turn sixty years old. Then stop.
  • Take no responsibility for your actions so you won’t be blamed for anything. Ever. Make Sense?
  • With the precision of Chef Gordon Ramsey, learn to slice, dice and sell each other on toothpicks to any passing troll.

Have you ever been forced swayed to watch Dance Moms? What did you take away from the experience? We’d love to know! In fact, we must know!

Arrow

Feel free to wander around my website. It's guaranteed non-toxic.

If you like Sassy, Danger and Mystery, you'll love my any-age novels. Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT and Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: CANYON OF DOOM are available at your nearest Barnes & Noble Bookseller, on this website, Amazon, B&N.com and more. For your convenience, it’s also available on Kindlethe Nook and most other eBook readers.

Book Three of the Silki trilogy, VALLEY OF SHADOWS, launches fall 2016. Here's a quick synopsis:

Bummed that yet another summer has passed all too quickly, Silki and her best friend Birdie head out for one last hurrah at the Navajo Nation Fair. When the fun is overshadowed by the theft of a famous horse, Silki is plunged into a baffling adventure teeming with international undercurrents and intrigue. What’s more, boy-crazy Birdie is fluttering her eyelashes at Silki’s good-looking, visiting cousin at every turn, and Rez legend Old Man Concho is coughing up secrets dating back to 1942. What possible connection could he have to the Japanese tourists, and will Silki discover an ancient truth about the Valley of Shadows in time to save Lava, the leader of the Ghost Herd, as well as salvage her own broken heart?

Meet my CANYON OF DOOM AND VALLEY OF SHADOWS illustrator, the Drawing Hands.

Jodi Lea Stewart was born in Texas and grew up in Apache County on a cattle ranch near Concho, Arizona. She left the University of Arizona in Tucson to move to San Francisco, where she learned about peace, love and exactly what she didn't want to do with her life. Since then, Jodi graduated summa cum laude with a BS in Business Management, raised two children, worked as an electro-mechanical drafter, penned humor columns for a college periodical, wrote regional western articles and served as managing editor of a Fortune company newsletter. She currently resides in Texas and New Mexico with her husband, two Standard poodles, two rescue cats and numerous gigantic, bossy houseplants. SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT is Jodi's debut novel and Book One of the Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves trilogy. CANYON OF DOOM came next, and VALLEY OF SHADOWS hits the shelves summer of 2016, completing this exciting and fun adventure-mystery set in the Navajo Nation. Next on the horizon? A historical mystery novel set in the 1930s told through the eyes of a sharecropper's daughter.

Life Lessons I’ve Learned from Applying Makeup


 

Image from Fotolia

Image from Fotolia

Type-A folks aren’t fond of thinking they’ve wasted time doing anything.

When I heard the average woman spends 474 days of her life slapping on lipstick and lining her eyes *applying makeup*, I had to search for purpose in all that mirror time.

Here, then, is my version of life lessons I’ve learned from applying makeup.

  • Scrub out impurities before they turn black.
  • Moisture is the key to life.
  • Always start with a good foundation.
  • Rough handling will stretch you in ways you don’t want to go.
  • Never expect a thin line from a dull pencil.
  • Being too cheeky can backfire.
  • Frowning messes up everything.
  • Practice makes perfect.
  • Too showy gives a false impression.
  • Freshen up often.
  • Inner beauty is the best makeup in the world.

My kids always accused me of turning everything into a life lesson. Maybe they were right!

Have you learned wise things while doing life’s outwardly boring and repetitive tasks…maybe from doing the laundry, or exercising, even shaving your face *guys*?

You know I love to hear from you!

 

 

 

Arrow

Feel free to wander around my website. It's guaranteed non-toxic.

If you like Sassy, Danger and Mystery, you'll love my any-age novels. Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT and Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: CANYON OF DOOM are available at your nearest Barnes & Noble Bookseller, on this website, Amazon, B&N.com and more. For your convenience, it’s also available on Kindlethe Nook and most other eBook readers.

Book Three of the Silki trilogy, VALLEY OF SHADOWS, launches fall 2016. Here's a quick synopsis:

Bummed that yet another summer has passed all too quickly, Silki and her best friend Birdie head out for one last hurrah at the Navajo Nation Fair. When the fun is overshadowed by the theft of a famous horse, Silki is plunged into a baffling adventure teeming with international undercurrents and intrigue. What’s more, boy-crazy Birdie is fluttering her eyelashes at Silki’s good-looking, visiting cousin at every turn, and Rez legend Old Man Concho is coughing up secrets dating back to 1942. What possible connection could he have to the Japanese tourists, and will Silki discover an ancient truth about the Valley of Shadows in time to save Lava, the leader of the Ghost Herd, as well as salvage her own broken heart?

Meet my CANYON OF DOOM AND VALLEY OF SHADOWS illustrator, the Drawing Hands.

Jodi Lea Stewart was born in Texas and grew up in Apache County on a cattle ranch near Concho, Arizona. She left the University of Arizona in Tucson to move to San Francisco, where she learned about peace, love and exactly what she didn't want to do with her life. Since then, Jodi graduated summa cum laude with a BS in Business Management, raised two children, worked as an electro-mechanical drafter, penned humor columns for a college periodical, wrote regional western articles and served as managing editor of a Fortune company newsletter. She currently resides in Texas and New Mexico with her husband, two Standard poodles, two rescue cats and numerous gigantic, bossy houseplants. SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT is Jodi's debut novel and Book One of the Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves trilogy. CANYON OF DOOM came next, and VALLEY OF SHADOWS hits the shelves summer of 2016, completing this exciting and fun adventure-mystery set in the Navajo Nation. Next on the horizon? A historical mystery novel set in the 1930s told through the eyes of a sharecropper's daughter.

Bu++ Bites Build Gristle


It’s like this – the gander that was flapping my face, back and legs . . .

. . . while simultaneously biting blood blisters on my little three-year-old derriere didn’t know he was contributing to my future female assertiveness.

Being left alone in trees by older cousins while they went off to play games assuredly built my self-reliance.

How did I get all this country-flavored therapy?

By being reared in a farm atmosphere with a pack of heathens for cousins, that’s how.

Descending upon Grandma and Granddad’s farm every summer made my cousins and me wacky. Throwing our shoes and socks over our shoulders, we screeched with pure, wild summer madness.

My gristle got a good start during those summers.

I was the youngest, shortest, and most sensitive of the cousin pack *actually, they called me bawl-bag* which swelled in number from six to sixteen throughout the summer.

Our fun was simple in those days – we simply created it from basically nothing.

Running wild and barefoot, teasing Heir Gander (the baddest guy on the farm), and not minding our elders were outstanding activities.

Of course, not minding always resulted in a lesson on branch cutting (for switches) and a character-building session involving our gluteous maximi immediately thereafter.

Challenging Grandma’s Gander to a mad race across the barnyard was forbidden. And thrilling. Except for me. My legs wouldn’t get me very far before I was missing in action. A little wing whipping before being rescued by the cousins was worth all the grass-rolling hilarity that followed.

One day, Gander snapped.

Possessed by Hitler, Gander went for blood . . .

. . . and I was his victim.

Hair-raising screams brought a rescue unit of five or six wild-eyed adults.

After Heir Gander was slightly reconstructed by my hysterical mom, I experienced a grit-building event. My mom, with multiple pairs of cousin eyes staring, pulled down my shorts to inspect the gander bites. Snickering, then outright peals of laughter, echoed through the barnyard.

That’s when I cried. Hard.

My strength was building!

Other times, when my cousins grew tired of babysitting me, they left me in a tall tree and told me to hold tight and be sure and not fall.

Hanging on for dear life—I’m afraid of heights to this day—I squalled until they came back. When they did, I was the center of attention. Merrily swung onto a pair of shoulders, I was teased and promised games and stories. They even meant it.

I was all giggles when we returned to the farmhouse. Any notice of my red eyes or purple face was attributed to the heat and my allergic problems.

Experiences like these were difficult, but I’m glad I went through them and others later on. Why? Well, I have a theory:

A little grit in your craw makes life’s toughest tidbits easier to swallow.

I love to hear from you.

Just for fun . . .

I told you using unauthorized media would sour your stomach.

I told you using unauthorized media would sour your stomach.

 

 

Arrow

Feel free to wander around my website. It's guaranteed non-toxic.

If you like Sassy, Danger and Mystery, you'll love my any-age novels. Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT and Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves: CANYON OF DOOM are available at your nearest Barnes & Noble Bookseller, on this website, Amazon, B&N.com and more. For your convenience, it’s also available on Kindlethe Nook and most other eBook readers.

Book Three of the Silki trilogy, VALLEY OF SHADOWS, launches fall 2016. Here's a quick synopsis:

Bummed that yet another summer has passed all too quickly, Silki and her best friend Birdie head out for one last hurrah at the Navajo Nation Fair. When the fun is overshadowed by the theft of a famous horse, Silki is plunged into a baffling adventure teeming with international undercurrents and intrigue. What’s more, boy-crazy Birdie is fluttering her eyelashes at Silki’s good-looking, visiting cousin at every turn, and Rez legend Old Man Concho is coughing up secrets dating back to 1942. What possible connection could he have to the Japanese tourists, and will Silki discover an ancient truth about the Valley of Shadows in time to save Lava, the leader of the Ghost Herd, as well as salvage her own broken heart?

Meet my CANYON OF DOOM AND VALLEY OF SHADOWS illustrator, the Drawing Hands.

Jodi Lea Stewart was born in Texas and grew up in Apache County on a cattle ranch near Concho, Arizona. She left the University of Arizona in Tucson to move to San Francisco, where she learned about peace, love and exactly what she didn't want to do with her life. Since then, Jodi graduated summa cum laude with a BS in Business Management, raised two children, worked as an electro-mechanical drafter, penned humor columns for a college periodical, wrote regional western articles and served as managing editor of a Fortune company newsletter. She currently resides in Texas and New Mexico with her husband, two Standard poodles, two rescue cats and numerous gigantic, bossy houseplants. SUMMER OF THE ANCIENT is Jodi's debut novel and Book One of the Silki, the Girl of Many Scarves trilogy. CANYON OF DOOM came next, and VALLEY OF SHADOWS hits the shelves summer of 2016, completing this exciting and fun adventure-mystery set in the Navajo Nation. Next on the horizon? A historical mystery novel set in the 1930s told through the eyes of a sharecropper's daughter.